Don't Wait for Permission to do What God Has Anointed You to Do
Do not wait for the permission of a person or institution to do what God anointed you to do.

I look back over the past decade and I am in awe of all of the experiences I have had, all of the ministry I have been a part of, all of the people I have met.

If I was still a part of the abusive religious systems that controlled me, I would not have stepped out to do any of those things.

I was expected to ask permission from my leaders each time I felt led to do…anything. And, more times than not, I was told I could not or should not do the thing I felt passionately about doing. Then, a month or two later, that same leader released someone else to do the very thing that I felt God was asking me to do.


I prayed with people and was told that I did it wrong.


I led worship and was told I was too emotional (and was eventually stripped of my role as a worship leader).


I signed up to go on a mission trip and was rejected because I might “go there and be a basket case like I was here.” (This was mere months after disclosure of the worst betrayal of my life. That same institution offered me no help, but was quick to blame/shame me for another’s sin.)


I have many other incidents that I could share, but will not now.

If I was still part of that system, I WOULD PROBABLY BE DEAD.

If not physically, definitely spiritually.

Now, I am FREE to live, move and have my being.

I am FREE to see needs and make the connections to resources, without waiting for someone else to decide if the recipients was “worthy.”

Oh, yes!

The last straw?

The thing that FINALLY pushed me out of that abusive, patriarchal, misogynistic place?

When a dear friend was so sick and I asked if we could bless her.

The response?

“She needs to be alone so she can find God.”

What the actual HELL????

I’m grateful for the remnant of godly shepherds who protect their flocks from wolves.

Sadly, they are few and far between.

I am grateful to Abba Father for continuing to speak to my heart and give me vision and strategies for loving the ones that churches have shunned.

I am grateful for faithful friends who speak His plans, purposes and call forth His destiny in my life when so many tried to shut me up.

And, now, I will take every chance I get to be a voice for survivors.

He rescued me from the fire and I will be one of His firefighters who goes back to help pull others from the flames.

His permission, approval and covering is all I need. 🤍

1 Comment

  1. Heather... This was written to me (and I'm sure many others as well.) I also was told I needed to "step down" from all ministry so I could "focus on my marriage." No. I needed to leave my marriage.. not "focus" on trying to change someone who CHOSE not to. Sad, I still remember the last youth group. It was an amazing time. I remember stopping on the way home just to message my youth group partner and thank God for excitement in the youth we saw that night. After I stepped down, so I could "focus" on my marriage, the youth group ended up dismantling. Broke my heart.

    And I might ask, why is being "emotional" a disqualification? I suppose then that God made an "error" when He anointed David as King. He was very "emotional" as expressed in his psalms about his grief, betrayal, etc. (e.g, psalm 22, 31; psalm 56, psalm 55, etc.) And, Jeremiah, should never had been anointed as a Prophet, he was known as the "weeping prophet."

    I suppose these "church people" (as opposed to "God people, as you are) knew better than the God they claimed to serve. Hmmm...

    I remember one day, in a moment of "spiritual sassiness" I just had it with people coming up to me to tell me that I needed to return to my marriage and put away my bitterness (so... saving your emotional, mental and physical life is "bitterness.. Hmmm.)

    There was one woman who would come up to me after every service and tell me, "Where's your joy. You have to put a smile on your face." She never asked me what was wrong, offered a moment of care, just gave me that "instruction" every week. Finally, I just had it and in a moment of boldness, I asked her if she had a sharpie.

    As she looked puzzled, I explained.. "Well, if always being cheerful and having a smile on your face is a sign of holiness, then I have to go through my bible and cross out almost a third of the psalms, much of Jeremiah and most of Lamentations." She just turned and walked away. That was very "out of character' for quiet, "sweet" Dawn. But I admit, that moment felt good. : )

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