You called me to unload and my heart is breaking for you.
You found out that your ex is helping to lead worship at yet another church, one of the largest ones in your community.
He never stopped leading worship, during all the years he was lying to you, cheating on you, abusing you and neglecting you.
The church turned a blind eye to adultery, addiction and abuse then.
It continues to do so now.
In your dream, you met yet another one of his mistresses.
She sat on the front row in church while he stood on the platform.
When you confronted her, she simply made a joke.
When you confronted him, he ignored you and walked away.
When you confronted your own family members who still coddled him, they stared at you blankly.
In your dream, you were walking toward the pastor to warn him.
But you woke up.
Just like the nightmares you’ve had where you are falling, falling, falling and you wake up just before you hit the ground and die.
You don’t know how the dream ends, but I can predict it.
You walk up to the pastor, you tell him that your ex isn’t a godly man and he should not hold a position of leadership in any church.
You tell him about serial adultery, sex addiction, and abuse of every kind.
The pastor also stares at you blankly.
So, you walk away.
My friend, you cannot convince anyone of anything.
They see what they want to see, a man who is charming and witty and can make their worship team sound a little bit better.
You will be deemed the bitter ex-wife.
I encourage you to stop trying to get them to see truth they don’t want to see.
Instead, pour that energy and focus into speaking truth over yourself.
“I am worthy of love, honor and respect.”
“It is not my fault that he lied, cheated and abused me."
“His actions are reflections of his character, not mine.”
“My God sees all, hears all, knows all. What He knows about me matters more than what others think of me.”
“I do not need a church’s validation to be whole.”
Hold your head high and dig deep into your healing.
The One who sees all, hears all and knows all has got your back and He is moving mountains on your behalf.
He is raising up an army of survivors who have fought similar battles.
You are not alone.
Tell the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the triggers to go back to hell where they came from.
Book a session with a therapist who understands domestic violence and trauma.
You are victorious.
And, join us at Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse.
We are learning, growing and healing together.
His abuse, adultery and addictions are not your fault.
You are processing a level of betrayal that no human being should ever have to process.
While you were carrying his baby, he was at work having an affair with a co-worker
While you were in the hospital, just hours after giving birth, he was at a hotel hooking up with the “flavor of the month.”
While you were stretching fifty dollars a week for the family groceries, he was out wining and dining friends and creating thousands of dollars of debt you knew nothing about.
While you were praying, submitting, and being sexually available to keep him from straying, he was straying.
While you were alone and weeping, he was making people laugh with inappropriate humor, always the life of the party.
While you were encouraging and edifying him every chance you got, he berated you and stripped you down to a worthless pile on the floor.
While you were crying out for mercy, he mocked your pain.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
He cheats because he is a cheater.
He lies because he is a liar.
He abuses because he is an abuser.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED, HONORED, CHERISHED AND SAFE.
Sweet friend, if any of this describes your reality, I want you to know that you are not alone.
We have a community of women who truly get it.
Join us on Facebook at Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse.
We are growing and healing together.