Survivor Sister Story Series: Domestic Violence by Proxy

Survivor Sister Story Series: Domestic Violence by Proxy
(The Survivor Sister Story Series provides a place for survivors to share their stories anonymously. While it may not be safe for women to share their names, this space allows their voices to be heard and helps others who have similar experiences feel seen and validated.)
 
If you are experiencing domestic violence by proxy, you know a heartache like no other.
 
Often, kids will lash out at mama (while seeking the approval of dad) if they know her love is unconditional.
 
They are experiencing trauma and have no idea how to handle it. 
 
I just read this analogy in a survivor group, and I am sharing with permission. 
 
“An advocate I spoke with compared it to a dragon. If a dragon is present in your child's life, the safest option for your child is to align with the dragon. The safest person to "reject" is you. That doesn't mean you're a bad mom, it means that you're respecting your child's autonomy.”
 
Kids feel that the safest place to be is by the belly of the dragon.
 
One mama wrote:
 
“I lived this HELL for nearly three years and am so relieved to tell you that healing has started.
 
It’s not easy, it hurts like nothing else I’ve ever experienced.
 
I recently said to one of my boys, “I’m so scared I’ll lose you again.”
 
He looked at me, confused. 
 
“Mom, you never lost me.”
 
That’s when I realized how different his perspective was from mine. 
 
I lost him, but he didn’t lose me.
 
He always knew where to find mama. 
 
He knew I was waiting for him.”
 
A prayer to pray over your kids: 
 
“Father, open their eyes.
 Unstop their ears.
 Soften their hearts.
Turn them back to the Father 
 And to their mama.”

Ladies, you are welcome to join us at Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse where we are learning, growing, and healing together.

I share many resources about DV by proxy, as well as a host of other abuse recovery topics. 
 
You are also welcome to join my monthly membership group where we discussing ways to rebuild after abuse, the Held & Healed Haven.




Just Keep Breathing

Just Keep Breathing
I disappeared. 
For several days, I went into my room, covered up in warm blankets and hid.
Partly because my HVAC was frozen and my house was cold. 
Partly because my van was dead I could not go anywhere.
Mostly because my heart was broken and I could not put one foot in front of the other.
Life is hard.
Trauma is real.
Some days, I get up and fight back by reading the Bible, praying, listening to worship music, reaching out to friends, making healthy foods, taking my supplements, and doing Pilates.
Other days, I lay in bed under a fleece blanket, sandwiched between two sweet pups and binge watch Hulu. 
And, I do not feel guilty about that.
Not one bit.
If I had been in a car crash, and sustained horrific injuries, it would be perfectly acceptable to rest and heal.
I was in a mental crash, a collision that shook me to the core, and it was perfectly acceptable to rest and heal.
Let's give ourselves GRACE, y'all.  
The past year of life has been BRUTAL...for EVERYONE.
There is not person who is untouched by the effects of 2020-2021.
Rest. 
Heal. 
Binge watch your favorite show.
JUST KEEP BREATHING.


Just Keep Sharing

Just Keep Sharing

I was called out last week.

I shared a product with someone that was life-changing for me, and another person commented in a less than kind way.

I didn't like it, it stung, but it also caused something in me to rise up.

Too often, I let the fear of what others think of me keep me from speaking up.

There are things I have walked through that I know God can bring good from.

But, only if I share my story.

Only if I speak up.

My pain is not in vain if I can help others gain victory in their battles.

So, I'm done hiding.

I'm done worrying about who might think this or say that about me.

I have been been fighting for my health (body, mind and spirit) and I am grateful for each person who has contributed a piece of the puzzle to help me heal.

I am grateful to God for never leaving me or forsaking me and for providing for every need I have.

I am grateful for doctors who listened and chose to get to the root issues, rather than putting a superficial band-aid on debilitating diseases.

I am grateful for counselors who validated decades of trauma and offered me practical tools for moving toward wholeness.

I am grateful for friends who came and STAYED, who have stood by me for years, even decades, and never given up on me.

I am grateful for each vitamin, supplement, essential oil and nutritious food that have helped my body to recover from the inside out.

I am grateful for a job that I love and feel passionate about that allowed me to work from home while my body, mind and spirit recovered.

WHY WOULDN'T I SHARE THESE THINGS WITH OTHERS??

WHY DO I CARE WHAT A FEW NAYSAYERS SAY??

Every single day, I am learning and researching and when I find gems, I share them with YOU!

If you are desiring to experience health and wellness in your body, mind and spirit, I am here to cheer you on!

I'll just keep sharing...just keep sharing...just keep sharing...