Not Enough...And Too Much
For most of my life, I was told I was “not enough” or “too much” to be used by God. 

At one point, I was told I was too young to speak. 

Fast forward twenty years and I told I was too old to speak. 

In many settings, I was too female to lead. 

I was too emotional.

My family was too messy. 

For over forty years, I allowed men, women, and institutions to silence me. 

I was asked to volunteer 5-15 hours/week for thirty years in various ministries, but was never “good enough” to be considered for a paid position. 

I was given loads of responsibility but not any authority. 

I was asked to do the difficult and uncomfortable tasks that others didn’t want to mess with.

All along, my heart’s desire was to honor God and honor people.

Beautiful people. 

Overlooked people.

Cast out people. 

Oppressed people. 

I was criticized for how I prayed, how I led music, how I reached out to the ones who sat on the fringes, how deeply I cared about the ones the church failed. 

“Don’t pick up others’ offenses.”

“You’re bitter.”

“You’re unforgiving.”

Each time I was “disciplined,” another flame of my fire was snuffed out. 

Add to that the horrific abuse I was enduring elsewhere. 

Little by little, day by day, year after year, the fire was dying. 

I was dying. 

Thank God Almighty, I got out before the last ember was snuffed out. 

I finally realized that I answer to God alone.

Since I stopped looking for the approval of others, God has released me to do what He created me to do. 

My worth is in Him and not what a man, woman, or institution thinks of me.

I am free to be myself, free to grow, free to heal, and free to help others do the same.

I am intentional about being real with the ladies I meet. 

I have good days and bad days. 

Healing is a lifelong journey. 

When I meet Jesus, face to face, I will be healed and whole. 

Until then, I will keep going back into the fire of abuse to help pull out those who are still consumed by the flames. 

Dear One, you do not have to remain in a place where you feel unsafe, unwanted, worthless, and unseen. 

You are worthy of love, honor, safety, respect, and fidelity. 

In your home. 

In your workplace. 

In your faith community. 


Ladies, please join us at Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse

The Held & Healed podcast is a resource filled with resources to help you on your healing journey. 

Helpers, I have created the Safer Spaces Summit with statistics, survivor stories, and solutions for addressing abuse within faith committees. 


Leave a Comment