To My Sisters Who Are Living In Abusive Marriages

To My Sisters Who Are Living In Abusive Marriages
Dear Sister,

I was invited to share in a group last week. This is a year to PROCLAIM God's goodness and any and every opportunity I get to share my story and tell of His faithfulness, I will take it.

Since I had only an hour with these ladies, I asked myself which FIVE POINTS I wanted to leave them with. Each of these points have MANY subpoints, but I wanted to give them things they could remember. I have hundreds of pages of notes from the abuse advocacy academy that I will complete this month. There is so much I want to say. But, for here and now, know these things:

God loves YOU more than He loves your marriage.

God's Word has MUCH to say about abuse/abusers. (Review the Power & Control Wheel for extensive examples of abuse)

God loves His daughters and He wants us to be safe and well.

Most marriages experience seasons that are disappointing or difficult. However, many marriages are destructive. 

In case of destructive marriages (abuse, addiction and/or adultery), marriage counseling is DANGEROUS, UNWISE AND UNETIHICAL.

Ladies, you are welcome to join us at Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse.

That’s Not God: Exposing Spiritual Abuse and Calling the Broken-hearted Back to the Father

That’s Not God: Exposing Spiritual Abuse and Calling the Broken-hearted Back to the Father
That’s Not God: Exposing Spiritual Abuse and Calling the Broken-hearted Back to the Father’s Heart 

(I have an alternate title that I hope I will be brave enough to use when the time comes to publish this as a collection, but I’m not that brave just yet.)


I endured spiritual abuse for nearly four decades. Long before I even knew it had a name, long before I could define spiritual narcissism, long before I knew I had worth, long before I had courage to speak against such (insert word here that may or may not be in my book title and is often abbreviated with the letters B and S).

As a teen, I watched as many of my friends walked away from church and God. They were wounded and the church treated them as lepers, talked about them behind closed doors, shunned them publicly and falsely accused them of things they did not do. This particular institution called people to confess their deepest/darkest secrets, then used that information against these vulnerable souls. I would now call this spiritual blackmail. THAT’S NOT GOD.

Mere men played the role that only God should assume and thirty years later, most of those who were abused are still carrying deep scars. Forgiveness was not sought by the leaders who wounded them. I remember sitting in one pastor’s office, begging him to seek out one who was hurt, and he just smiled at me and sent me on my way. The person I was advocating for is still one of the most heart-broken souls I know. I often wonder what might be different if that leader had confessed the heinous sin committed and sought forgiveness.

I was brainwashed and under a spell. I would now call it a cult. There were so many expectations, most were “unwritten rules.” The focus was on public appearances and the lack of care for what went on behind closed doors was unbiblical and negligent. THAT’S NOT GOD.

I once believed I was called to be a bridge back to an institution, I now understand how warped and twisted that way of thinking was. Now, I accept a much higher calling. I am here to call the broken, weary, misunderstood and condemned back to the heart of Father God.

I recently heard the story of a young woman who was sexually molested by her grandfather. After he did unmentionable things to her, he would sing “How Great Thou Art.” That song, written to declare the goodness and faithfulness of God, became a trigger that set her off and evoked emotional and physical reactions for years to come. THAT’S NOT GOD.

I am here to call out the BS that goes on in His name and invite others to consider how broken His heart is each time someone uses His name and His Word to beat up, maim, condemn or curse another human being. I stand on God’s word and His character. He is good, faithful, loving, merciful, gracious and compassionate. He alone is the reason that I am still alive. He stood with me in the fires and carried me through the floods. While many turn from Him because of the abuse suffered in His name, I was able to run into His arms for safety and refuge. I am here to testify to His goodness. I am here to extend love to all who are weary, broken-hearted, and disillusioned.

I will not be naming names of individuals or institutions. In this collection, I will be sharing anonymous stories of brave souls who have been wounded by the very ones who were supposed to protect, nurture, love and honor them. If you have a story to share, feel free to message me. I will listen and help you see how grieved God’s heart is by the abuse you have endured.

I know this topic makes many feel uncomfortable. If you are a leader and you have used your position of power to willfully wound others, you will not like this message. If you are a leader and you have unintentionally hurt others, I pray this message will encourage you to seek forgiveness from them and move toward reconciliation. No one is perfect. But, there are many who are knowingly abusing those in their care and I say, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”

I pray that victims of spiritual abuse will feel validated, seen, heard and loved. That is the reason I am stepping out to begin this project. Time is short. We do not know what tomorrow holds. I am desperate to see hearts restored to the Father. I raise my voice for the ones who have been wounded in the deepest crevices of their souls. I call you back to the heart of the One who saw it all, heard it all and whose heart broke when your heart broke.

When you were abused, rejected and cast out by men and women who used His word to beat you up, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were sexually abused by a pastor or youth pastor, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When that abuse was hidden and covered up by other leaders in your church, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were told if you wanted to honor God, you would return to your adulterous and abusive spouse, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When your abuser was coddled and embraced and you were blamed for his sin, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were set aside because you were physically sick and not cared for by the church you served for years, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were overlooked for a ministry you were qualified for because you didn’t have a college degree, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were taught that abortion is wrong but you faced excommunication for a pregnancy before marriage, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were rejected by the “in crowd,” at church, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were judged for battling mental illness but never pointed to healing resources, THAT’S NOT GOD.

This collection may take some time to write and I thank each one who is willing to share their story to empower others. I invite you on this journey back to the heart of the perfect and loving Father. His arms are open wide.

His heart is revealed here: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:25-28 (NIV)

If you are a Christian woman who is rebuilding your life after abuse, join us here

One Word: 2020 and 2021

One Word: 2020 and 2021
Every year, since 2006, I have chosen ONE WORD to focus on for the year.

My word for 2020 was REBUILD: to repair, especially to dismantle and reassemble with new parts.

“Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19

2020 was indeed a year of rebuilding.

My faith was strengthened in a way that I cannot fully explain.

It’s one thing to say God is all I need but it was  another thing to face the many challenges of the year and know that He alone would carry me, sustain me, provide for me and never abandon me.

In March, I began a journey with Give Her Wings Abuse Advocacy Academy. I am 5/6 of the way through my training/certification process and I am learning new things with each lesson.

In August, I began taking business courses with the amazing Martha Krejci. Her guidance and wisdom has given me courage to step up and step out into the things that God had created and prepared me for.

In September, I launched Held & Healed: Christian Women Rebuilding After Abuse  and we now have almost 100 members. I am blessed to be able to share the valuable information and resources that I discover on my training.

My pain is not in vain if helps others gain their healing.

In 2020, I saw many prayers answers.

In 2020, my faith was rebuilt.

My identity was rebuilt.

My body was rebuilt.

My relationships were rebuilt.

My business was rebuilt.

My ministry was rebuilt.

I laughed more and cried less.

I joy and peace like never before.

I had more time with my precious boys.

I met some amazing people and new friendships formed.

I said good-bye to relationships, commitments and activities that were not God’s best for me.

I know that 2020 was a hard year for many, but for me, it was a victorious year.

So, 2021 will be a year to proclaim.

PROCLAIM: to extol or praise publicly.

“I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.” Psalm 71:16

Books will be written.

Stories will be shared.

Songs will be recorded.

All for His glory and to encourage those who are still walking through the fire.

He has been faithful, constant, steady, sure.

I will proclaim His goodness every chance I get.

He alone is the reason I have made it through the fires and floods.

Messy Intercessor

Messy Intercessor
I cannot come into the presence of God without emotion.

He’s been so good to me.

Tears are gonna happen.

I was told, in the past, that I was too emotional when I led worship.


Do you KNOW what He’s brought me through?

Do you KNOW how many times the enemy tried to take me out and MY GOD stepped in?

Sure, there were times I wept from the pain of life.

But, mostly, my tears during worship are from GRATITUDE!

I’m a messy intercessor!

This playlist has carried me the past six months!

And, here’s my 2020 collection of worship songs.

Check out my online coaching course, Rebuilding: Body, Mind & Spirit!