That’s Not God: Exposing Spiritual Abuse and Calling the Broken-hearted Back to the Father

That’s Not God: Exposing Spiritual Abuse and Calling the Broken-hearted Back to the Father
That’s Not God: Exposing Spiritual Abuse and Calling the Broken-hearted Back to the Father’s Heart 

(I have an alternate title that I hope I will be brave enough to use when the time comes to publish this as a collection, but I’m not that brave just yet.)

INTRODUCTION:

I endured spiritual abuse for nearly four decades. Long before I even knew it had a name, long before I could define spiritual narcissism, long before I knew I had worth, long before I had courage to speak against such (insert word here that may or may not be in my book title and is often abbreviated with the letters B and S).

As a teen, I watched as many of my friends walked away from church and God. They were wounded and the church treated them as lepers, talked about them behind closed doors, shunned them publicly and falsely accused them of things they did not do. This particular institution called people to confess their deepest/darkest secrets, then used that information against these vulnerable souls. I would now call this spiritual blackmail. THAT’S NOT GOD.

Mere men played the role that only God should assume and thirty years later, most of those who were abused are still carrying deep scars. Forgiveness was not sought by the leaders who wounded them. I remember sitting in one pastor’s office, begging him to seek out one who was hurt, and he just smiled at me and sent me on my way. The person I was advocating for is still one of the most heart-broken souls I know. I often wonder what might be different if that leader had confessed the heinous sin committed and sought forgiveness.

I was brainwashed and under a spell. I would now call it a cult. There were so many expectations, most were “unwritten rules.” The focus was on public appearances and the lack of care for what went on behind closed doors was unbiblical and negligent. THAT’S NOT GOD.

I once believed I was called to be a bridge back to an institution, I now understand how warped and twisted that way of thinking was. Now, I accept a much higher calling. I am here to call the broken, weary, misunderstood and condemned back to the heart of Father God.

I recently heard the story of a young woman who was sexually molested by her grandfather. After he did unmentionable things to her, he would sing “How Great Thou Art.” That song, written to declare the goodness and faithfulness of God, became a trigger that set her off and evoked emotional and physical reactions for years to come. THAT’S NOT GOD.

I am here to call out the BS that goes on in His name and invite others to consider how broken His heart is each time someone uses His name and His Word to beat up, maim, condemn or curse another human being. I stand on God’s word and His character. He is good, faithful, loving, merciful, gracious and compassionate. He alone is the reason that I am still alive. He stood with me in the fires and carried me through the floods. While many turn from Him because of the abuse suffered in His name, I was able to run into His arms for safety and refuge. I am here to testify to His goodness. I am here to extend love to all who are weary, broken-hearted, and disillusioned.

I will not be naming names of individuals or institutions. In this collection, I will be sharing anonymous stories of brave souls who have been wounded by the very ones who were supposed to protect, nurture, love and honor them. If you have a story to share, feel free to message me. I will listen and help you see how grieved God’s heart is by the abuse you have endured.

I know this topic makes many feel uncomfortable. If you are a leader and you have used your position of power to willfully wound others, you will not like this message. If you are a leader and you have unintentionally hurt others, I pray this message will encourage you to seek forgiveness from them and move toward reconciliation. No one is perfect. But, there are many who are knowingly abusing those in their care and I say, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”

I pray that victims of spiritual abuse will feel validated, seen, heard and loved. That is the reason I am stepping out to begin this project. Time is short. We do not know what tomorrow holds. I am desperate to see hearts restored to the Father. I raise my voice for the ones who have been wounded in the deepest crevices of their souls. I call you back to the heart of the One who saw it all, heard it all and whose heart broke when your heart broke.

When you were abused, rejected and cast out by men and women who used His word to beat you up, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were sexually abused by a pastor or youth pastor, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When that abuse was hidden and covered up by other leaders in your church, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were told if you wanted to honor God, you would return to your adulterous and abusive spouse, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When your abuser was coddled and embraced and you were blamed for his sin, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were set aside because you were physically sick and not cared for by the church you served for years, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were overlooked for a ministry you were qualified for because you didn’t have a college degree, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were taught that abortion is wrong but you faced excommunication for a pregnancy before marriage, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were rejected by the “in crowd,” at church, THAT’S NOT GOD.

When you were judged for battling mental illness but never pointed to healing resources, THAT’S NOT GOD.

This collection may take some time to write and I thank each one who is willing to share their story to empower others. I invite you on this journey back to the heart of the perfect and loving Father. His arms are open wide.

His heart is revealed here: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:25-28 (NIV)

If you are a Christian woman who is rebuilding your life after abuse, join us here

Stop Blaming and Shaming Victims

Stop Blaming and Shaming Victims
It’s time to stop shaming and blaming domestic abuse victims.

These are things that have been spoken over women that I know and love...

“It takes two.”

“There are two sides to every story.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You should pray more.”

“You should submit more.”

“If you gave him sex more, he wouldn’t have to find it elsewhere.”

“If you took better care of yourself, he wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“We love you both, so we won’t take sides.”

“You’re so bitter.”

“You’re unforgiving.”

“What did you do to make him hurt you?”

No. No. No.

Abusers choose to abuse.

Cheaters choose to cheat.

Period.

They have private and public personalities.

They can be kind when it suits them.

STOP BLAMING THE VICTIM AND START HOLDING THE ABUSER TO ACCOUNT.

KNOW BETTER. DO BETTER.

If you are a Christian woman who is rebuilding your life after an abusive marriage, join us here

Your Healing: The Best Gift You Can Give You Child

Your  Healing: The Best Gift You  Can Give You  Child
My counselor looked at me from across the room and spoke words that would forever change me.

"Heather, the best gift you can give your sons is your own healing."

At that time, I was sick, sick, sick.

Sick in my body.

Sick in my mind.

Sick in my spirit.

I was 41 years old and had endured abuse almost every day of my life.

She said her most common client demographic is women in their mid-thirties to mid-forties.

Why?

We take care of everyone else and neglect ourselves.

By this age, we are wounded, weary, and worn.

We simply cannot do all the things for all the people anymore.

She knew those words would motivate me like no other words, because she knew that my sons were...are...my greatest treasures on this earth.

Almost five years ago, I was stricken with a debilitating disease that put me flat on my back for months on end.

Those months turned to years of barely being able to function.

I could no longer care for my sons, I could no longer be creative in their homeschooling, I could no longer care for their basic needs, I could no longer volunteer for the ministries that I believed in, I could no longer stand up long enough to lead worship, I could no longer serve the ones I loved...

Through a series of events, I came to realize that my body wasn't the only broken part of me.

Suddenly, I was made aware of realities like C-PTSD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, gas-lighting, spiritual abuse, layered on top of a complicated medical diagnosis.

Separation and divorce.

Parental alienation and empty-nesting.

Betrayal.

The ones who were called to love me and stand by me walked out when I was at my lowest.

My body was broken.

My mind was broken.

My spirit was broken.

I heard her words that day and I decided I would do anything in my power to experience healing, for the sake of my precious boys and the generations to come.

I would do the hard work...the heart work...to welcome deliverance, restoration and freedom into my bloodline.

Several years have passed and I assure you, I am not the same person I was when I first walked into that counselor's office.

My body is stronger and healthier than it has been in 30 years.

My mind is focused and clear.

My spirit is alive.

I am grateful for each part of my journey.

The good.

The bad.

The ugly.

My pain is not in vain if it helps others gain their healing.

If you would like to learn more tips for every day living, join us on Facebook at Learn More About Health and Wellness.

If you are a Christian woman who is rebuilding after an abusive marriage, join us at Held & Healed, a beautiful community of survivors.

Check out my online coaching course, Rebuilding: Body, Mind & Spirit!

 
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